released December 18, 2018

She Could Say Yes is the debut full-length album from none of this is real. The entire record is an emotional journey made up of individual songs. It starts with nervous excitement, turns to mild tension, then falls into dark oblivion before slowly climbing out of a black hole and turning defeat into hope. Ambient electric guitars, bass and drums form the bedrock of the record, with subtle use of piano, percussion and electronic elements to enhance the emotion. Judicious use of delays and shimmering reverb practically become their own instrument.

none of this is real thanks family and friends for their support. Special thanks to Mark Himley and Kyle Sutton for ears and input.

Cover art by Emma Kujawa

The name "none of this is real” comes from one of the last times I ever spoke with my wife, Beccee. It was late December 2009. She was released to go to her parents for Christmas to be with family and mainly our kids. For my kids’ and her sake, I’m happy it happened. Shortly after getting through Christmas Day, things took a turn for the worse and we decided to go back to the hospital. She was on a stretcher and being taken to the ambulance. A few steps outside the house, she stopped everyone, looked all around and then looked at me and said “you know, none of this is real.” I honestly didn’t know if it was the medication, her body and mind breaking down, or if she was so close to the other side, that she had a glimpse of her next reality and wanted to share it with me. To this day, I still can’t decide which of those is true.

The record “She Could Say Yes” is a collection of post-rock tracks I started writing a few years ago. My goal was to really focus on a single emotion for each song. I was entering a period of my life where I was feeling optimistic, like I had turned a corner. The early songs were inspired by the thought of a new relationship. Feelings of nervous anticipation, hope for something better, with a hint of the anxiety of taking risk and not knowing how it will work out. When things didn’t work out as I hoped, the mood turned darker. So did the music. Once they reached a low point and settled, acceptance turned to a realization that the only thing left to do was move forward. In moving forward, in making an effort, a feeling of hope slowly returned.

What each song means to me. (I write this for anyone curious. What they mean to me doesn’t really matter, especially if they mean something to you.)

Walk Up And Ask Her
There was a girl. I liked her. I thought she was out of my league. I decided to try anyway. I was coming out of a very dark period. I figured I’d swing for the fence and if I struck out, at least it would be good practice. I was trying to convey a positive feeling, but a little nervous.

She Could Say Yes
I thought to myself “she could say yes”. She couldn’t if I didn’t ask. Still positive, now a little more confident, if for no other reason than to convince myself to do it.

Can You Imagine
Positive, a bit introspective, a bit uplifting. Can you imagine if she did say yes? And then she kind of did say yes. More on that later.

The Waiting
This represents the time after asking, but not hearing an immediate answer. Things turning slightly more anxious.

You Can Stay If You Want To
So, she technically said yes, but that’s not exactly what she meant. This track represents lamenting and letting things set in. I thought I had hit the ball out of the park, but it turns out it was caught at the fence. Or I imagined the whole thing.

A Difficult Road
Well, this just sucks. I’m getting a little depressed. But maybe this will turn around.

Finally Over
Nope. This is not turning around.

Walk Among The Breathless
I accept that it’s over. And I don’t want to care about it anymore. I don’t want to care about anything. I just want to wallow in the pain for approximately 5 minutes. This track was also an exercise to write something simple, and very dark, that could stay interesting for an extended period of time.

Sea Is Raging
You can't stay in that darkness forever. This track still feels down, but it’s starting pull out of rock bottom. To me, it says “it’s time to get up.”

From Dust
This track says “now that you’ve had the chance to get up, take a step forward.”

Floating the Rain Filled Sky
The title sounded like the music to me, but doesn’t really fit the narrative. Oh well. This track is starting to feel more hopeful. There’s a struggle, and it isn’t easy, but I’m still moving forward.

A Reason to Hope
This track brings a little more positive energy. Uplifting, inspiring. You’ve taken a few steps, now keep building on that momentum.

It’s Not Over Yet
It is with that girl, but now I realize it was never going to work anyway. And it not working out isn’t a reflection on me, my worth, my future. That situation may be over, but my life and my future aren’t.

Today Is a Second Chance
I wanted this to be a positive, powerful, anthemic, inspiring track that says “keep going. Keep doing the right things. Keep doing the work. You got this.”

If She Does
Probably not the best title. Whether she does or doesn’t isn’t anywhere near as important as I thought it was in the beginning. This track also serves to loop us back to the beginning of the record to start the whole process over. Kind of like life.

That’s my recount of what these songs mean to me. Is every word of it true? I doubt it. None of this is real.